Layers of Meaning

There are so many layers in my head that I don't even know where to start. If only I can find somewhere to start unraveling and it might all make some sense... Finally...
I wish I could find the words to say it all- I wish I could because I feel like I'm trapped inside my mind. It's like a prison and I'm held captive and unable to escape.
I hate it, I really hate it.
I want to get better.
I need to get better.
I HAVE to get better!!!

Just a whole lot of emptiness

How is it possible for my mind to be so damn busy and racing yet be so empty and vast at the same time?
Now, to match the thoughts with my emotions? What if it's my emotions driving my thoughts? Can it work that way?
Alot of the time, my head just starts going out on a tangent and I have no control of it. The thoughts? Does it make sense to say that a majority of the time I don't even know what I'm thinking? Can it be just a constant noise tunnel that is never ending? And sometimes, very rarely, I can actually grab one of those thoughts and know what it's saying??
Sometimes, they aren't so nice- and I don't think this is the place to say them. Other times, its that I'm just so tired and my head is telling me to stop and listen to myself, listen to my body and relax.  And alot of the time, the thoughts are that fast, I have no idea what is going on..
I have so many questions, so many things I don't understand.
It's all very overwhelming...

Even the people who never frown.....Eventually break down..

What do you do when everything you are thinking and feeling is so overwhelming that waking up is just too hard to do?!?
I think I am finally at the point where I have come undone... I have felt deeply depressed before but this is just damn ridiculous!!
I'm at a point where I can't make sense of my thoughts, let alone express how I'm feeling.. I'm trying really hard to do it- going to my psych appointments, trying to keep writing, not only on here but in my diary.
I just want it all to stop.......
Is it really too much to ask?

Just want a break.....

A Prisoner in my own mind....

I was hiding away under water
Waiting for distance and buying some time
Trying to be two hundred thousand years younger
So I could excuse myself from humankind
'Cause I don't want to be a container
Or a bastard with a ten page disclaimer
But these monsters spin me around
Get me down, just try and shut me out....

I'm exhausted and overwhelmed and very much over it all.
Just want it all to stop... Just for a little bit  atleast... Just so I can catch my breath and catch my thoughts to allow me to move on.

Just some time out please....

Monday, bloody Monday....

Where I would love to be....

Another week has begun. I'm not sure I'm ready for it... Well too late- Monday has been and almost gone...

Other than a practical joke at work, the day was as boring as every other..
My work mates decided they would rearrange the letters on my keyboard- resulting in the below...Real CLOWNS aren't they??!?! Can you see it??

So another day awaits us...What shall it bring? Can there be a break in the darkness, just a glimpse of light would be nice- it has been far too long...

The Inspiration behind the name...

This song by Linkin Park has always stuck with me.. The title "A Place for My Head" seemed so fitting for my blog. My head is often my worse enemy but it is also the source of my creativity.. Have to learn to love it. So thought I would start by sharing the lyrics behind the inspiration ..

"A Place For My Head"

I watch how the moon sits in the sky in the dark night
Shining with the light from the sun
The sun doesn't give light to the moon assuming
The moon’s going to owe it one
It makes me think of how you act to me
You do favors and then rapidly
You just turn around and start asking me
about things that you want back from me

[Chorus (x2):]
I’m sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place, to feed your greed -
While I find a place to rest

I want to be in another place
I hate when you say you don’t understand
(You’ll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy
A place for my head
Maybe someday I’ll be just like you
and step on people like you do and
Run away the people I thought I knew
I remember back then who you were
You used to be calm, used to be strong
Used to be generous but you should’ve known
That you’d wear out your welcome
now you see how quiet it is, all alone

[Chorus (x2)]

[8x]
Go away
You try to take the best of me

I want to be in another place
I hate when you say you don't understand
(You'll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy
A place for my head

Shut up....what!

[Chorus (x2)]

"One small step for Man,One giant leap for mankind..."

I have kept online journals in the past- so this shouldn't be all that different.

So, A Place for My Head....
A place where I can write until my heart is content. Where I can give my thoughts a chance to escape.

At this stage, this blog will be a chance for me to express my thoughts and feelings. A place where I can be me. A place where I can share my photographs.. Something I love to do.

Being able to express myself is something really important.
So here is a little bit about me.

I'm 27 years old and I live in Sydney. I have 2 sisters and a brother and come from a very large extended family.

I am currently studying at University and have been on and off since 2003. I am doing a Bachelor of Arts with a Major in Art History and I hope to take that to doing a Masters in Art Therapy or Arts Education. Yeah, B of Arts shouldn't take that long, but I had a few years off in amongst all that as well dropping to Part Time. 

I have a Mental Illness which doesn't define me, but is a part of me that I have had to learn to live with. The social stigma of which is much harder to deal with. I hope that one day, it won't be so taboo to have a Mental Illness in society and that people won't be afraid to reach out for help as the fear of judgement is currently far too strong.

I like to write poems and use them as a way of expressing my thoughts and feelings. I will share these with you as I go. I love taking photos and have many that I would like to share as well.

I would like this to be a space where I can express myself freely and openly without the fear of judgement and hope that if anyone does read this, and can relate, that they too, feel they can express themselves as well.

I think that might be all for now.. The rest will come as I go along...